To Sushant, the God I know 🔱👣💫

My life, as a snippet of poem, dedicated to Sush.

Years back,
The world said – it’s silly, move on,
Well, she loved with all her heart,
It’s not that she cant live without,
But the unexpected turn,
Shook her ground,
Battered the soul,
The trust she carried,
Evaporated within no time,
The family in chaos,
Left behind a void in her,
None could notice as it’s all invisible,
behind her natural acting,
A LIGHT she could see,
Far beyond,
She has never even met before,
But felt an immense embrace,
From it, filling her cup,
An overflowing LOVE
In her,with faltered prism,
Infront of her eyes, broken by it,
Introducing a new reflection,
In her own mirror,
Showing differently the world,
Outside & inside,
A new fresh belonging in her
Has been realised.

The hidden love in her was newly found,
With a clarity of what makes her happy,
And the LIGHT gave a way to the path,
She has forgotten, long long ago,
Its LIVING her life.
Tum na huye, mere to kya?

That LIGHT happened was Sushant to me.
No right heart can escape loving you for ur goodness & charm but the innate bond I felt, I could never explain. Every time, I fell down, no matter you were always there picking me up, dusting away the sand & blowing over the bleeds…you were always there in my life from the past 4 years. Calming my soul through your work & words – coincidentally matching exact gyan what I needed that time.

‘Kuch toh hai tujh se raabta Sushant!’

As like Adishankaracharya’s parents, your parents too prayed for a son to be born. You, too, spread love & many perspectives to open up our own minds. He, too, shed away this bodily constriction very young. You know, one more common thing in between you both…its Kedarnath. Again a coincidence that kedarnath video songs were the reason that I’m alive.

Now you are an incarnation to me. You were a God in human form because I have never seen one.
You were Adishankaracharya, the Buddha, the prophet, the Jesus, Nanak, Mahaveer sent by God modified to modern world🔱 because everyone preached – love is the cause, every division is for selfish reasons, gain wisdom and knowledge to know ignorance. You were a demo to all humans how to live with passion personified, to behave & be kind to everyone… every species❤💫 I have seen many birds lying on you in pics, they recognised way before that you were divine 🦋🌪

Though I admired u for the gentleman you were…. To be honest, for the first few seconds of your house tour, I felt u gathered kachra & antiques. Few minutes later, I was in awe that you kept your childhood passions alive, which we common people lose, as a part of ourselves when we grow up. You really conveyed what you mean by many metaphors through your home. The first time I saw a home to be a projection of beliefs. That’s when I learned to leave assumptions. I was happy to be proven wrong.

I didn’t interact with you on social media as I had deleted my contacts but deep down now I know you would have felt a slight resonance with me as you had with others. I know you would be reading and watching all of us with an ear to ear smile. I may sound paranoid, but time and again you have proven that you are watching over and lending hand even now, with many instances 🤝🏻

June 14th, I was shocked. Instinctively, I know there’s been a conspiracy even before getting to twitter & seeing your pictures because I know the man who had saved me can’t end his life. I took to Twitter and wept, wept and got numb for many days.

Actually in 2018, you awakened an artistic pursuit in me, which I have left as my teenage years. From 2019, I used to write poems for friends on their birthdays, which rhymed & they felt happy. After June,I penned my thoughts and emotions for you ….felt it had full of my heart and soul. Slowly, I realised the poetry that’s flowing from me is you. You making me write, nurturing my passions and giving way for me 👣

‘Jaaye wahi le jaaye jahaan, Besabriyaan’

I mustered strength to write all this here today. I wanna show that I’ll take steps in the direction you have shown. I definitely will nurture my poetry as a dream, Sushant. You were always in my life journey & will always be Sushant.

Tum woh noor ho jis aag 🔥 se mai mere andar basey diya bhar leti hu..🕯 Now,I won't cry as it's not what you want to see. Like many, I can see you in the stars I wave to, in the plants I planted with your name...their flowers make me feel its your beaming smile. You made our home a beautiful garden Sushant. In the little kids laugh, I hear you, in the cool breeze that touch me, I feel you. If I get shivers, you'll come up as a ray of sunshine. In every good, I know its you. From an anime movie character to a little street puppy, Its you 💫

I know you would be skiing, trekking passionately in the ravines in the space, with a quest of higher dreams for sure…Yes, closer to us than before. Earlier, you could only reply through msgs and  comments but now, you are seeing us, lending a hand & patting our back. You are also within us. You expanded so much to be receptive to each and everyone. The trail of inspiration you left will  never fade out even after we get justice. For the justice, we pray, we tweet & fight in every possible way but I won’t say rest in peace, never because I know you won’t. I’ll always refer to you in simple present tense from now because you are a universal statement. Sushant, you are a universe.

Wanna merge in you with a last warm embrace and a kiss on a forehead.

“Soaked in your love
Drenched with your thoughts
Want to merge in you
as salt dissolved in water
Colour me with the
colours Of your palette
As pure as devotion
I love you”
As Krishna to Meera.

Sushant, I am unconsciously being a good person these days than before, may be with an idea, I can reach ur divine abode.

From walking on knees in temples to……waddling gait in old age, you are always in my heart..and my life is yours.
Always…..Seri Sushant?
P.S. I’m flaunting my new Kizie haircut now.

“Like cloud condenses
And cools to rain
To reach the earth
Her heart thrives
To be in his embrace
Where she feels safe
As warmth as home
She’ll wait for many Dawn & dusks
Assigned to her fate
To get glimpse of his face in her hands”

Raabta for years…

To Sushant Singh Rajput, the God I know.

Yours,
Sindoorika
Starrie_lights