The Eternal Sunshine In My Sky

Dear Sushant,

It’s been a long day without you my friend, and I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again.

Somewhere between heaven & earth this letter filled with my pain, might just lose its way. Just like you lost yours in this gruesome world. Would it be alot to ask you to return from your peaceful abode, just so you could once again make the world a better place with your glimmering presence? Maybe you regret some stuff from whatever you left behind. So many performances, movies, loved ones, fans. You know what I, as your fan, regret? Not writing this letter when you were still alive.

Despite having never met, you’ve been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Some of my fondest memories include watching your charming self on Pavitra Rishta. Those beautiful eyes, that alluring smile, that passion for your craft. One look at you, and anyone could tell you were cut out for bigger things. It was a quick transition from that to the big screen, where you brought Ishaan’s character to life in Kai Po Che. A boy full of passion, happiness & a tremendous love for chasing his dreams. I guess I always associated you with that role, because the sparkle in his eyes always reminded me of the dreams you so bravely carried in yours.

You went onto to deliver incredible performances one after the other, and those who understood the beauty of your talent, fell deeper in love with you every single day. From sticking newspaper cut-outs in my school notebook of the heartthrob who floored me everytime I saw him, to stalking you on twitter & instagram, to spending hours watching your brilliant interviews to bunking morning college lectures to watch your films (especially MS Dhoni), my attachment to you kept growing. And with it grew the copious amount of admiration, respect & love I felt in my heart for you. All your nuanced performances, be it Byomkesh, Sarfaraz, MSD, Ani, Manny- each of them always managed to sweep me off my feet.

The news of your passing hit the world like a ship hitting an iceberg. All I remember from that day was that I felt absolutely numb. How could your journey be over already? You woke up one day and then you were just gone? I was in total disbelief. Days passed by as I tried to come to terms with the news, but I simply couldn’t. Yours was a loss that felt too personal, and your absence ate me up more and more every single day. Seeing how so many people just stopped caring after a few days was hard. Trying to move on from your death was harder. However, the hardest part was accepting the fact that there was never going to be another film, another interview, another performance of yours that I’d get the honour to enjoy.

How ironical it was that so many of the characters you portrayed met such unexpectedly devastating ends in the movies! Perhaps our films aren’t as different from real life as we think. You left us with one final performance after you were gone, and Manny too met a painful end, as heartbreaking as your own.

I don’t know what snatched you away from us.
Murder? Suicide? Something else altogether? Who knows?
We’ve been trying to figure it out for almost 6 months now, and we’re nowhere close to the truth. All your fans are fighting this difficult battle, to give ourselves closure from the void your departure has left within us. We’re fighting for all your unfulfilled dreams, your incomplete life goals, your long-lost happiness, your respect for your art, the love in our hearts for you, and in yours, for us.

You’re finally at peace now, the peace that this cruel world could never give you. You may be gone, but the legacy of Sushant Singh Rajput will never fade away. We can’t bring you back, Sush. But we can make one promise, something we should’ve done when you were alive. Every time the world stands on a path that’s against you, you’ll find us with you, right by your side. Seri? Seri.