Wandering in the stars

14th June, lock down has just lifted up in Pune and I have stepped out in months to get some stationary. Standing in front of the closed shop, I take out my phone to call the shopkeeper. And it hits…. the bitter, horrid news… I don’t believe it and actually keep faith that it is a hoax and switch off the mobile after taking a picture of a fluffy cat slouching on a wall sill.

Ohh…the pain, all the news channels and media floating the proof to kill my belief of this news being a hoax and the rest is common to all us who have seen a hero in Sushant.

I have so much to say….but would the words even suffice for what my heart?

Sleepless nights and endlessly playing his interviews, his movies and glaring at his radiating eyes make the days go by.

Listening to him through these gives me an impression of his physical existence in this world… his eyes which could see so much more, his stare so curious and thoughts so profound and a selfless soul full of love… make me weep every day.

An intense urge to hug him overpowers me all the time, all the assurance of how our souls are immortal, and he being in a better place fail to touch me with any solace.
This pushes me to think, why do I feel so strongly for a person… who I have met only through the screen??.. why do I have tears rolling down my eyes each time I see his pictures??

And then maybe his soul speaks to me from within me – “I am just you away from glory” and I gather myself to get back to what I do.

I had always read, painted and planted… Now, I feel him doing all this alongside me…
I imagine how wonderful it would have been to have known him personally, to have talked and listened to him, to sit with him and share and contemplate things… but then I think, how unbearable it would have been to have felt his warm hug and then to live without it…
And the day passes with million thoughts … hovering between him, his galaxies, pondering over the existence of souls and with one question still unanswered – If God takes care of pure souls, why does this happen?… and no answer has still satisfied me…

Endless love to him…. and if the souls live on… maybe we would meet someday and smile…for holding him within my heart…. for beginning and ending the days by remembering God in his voice- “Jai Shiv Shambhu”…

I gathered courage to pain Northern Lights in his remembrance….