From a Heartbroken Fan

Dearest Sushant,

I’m writing this letter because I need to say my piece- to someone who might have heard and understood me. I know words can contaminate the feelings behind, but in honour of my favourite star, I’m going to try. From Kai Po Che to Dil Bechara, I’ve been a die hard fan. You were one of my favourite actors, but I had more respect for you in my heart than I did for any other. The things you said, you believed, the passion that radiated from your smile were the things that stood out from being another actor in the crowd. Your smile was enough to bring a smile to my face, to bring light into the dark days that filled my week.

The day you left, I couldn’t sleep and in my restlessness, I picked up my phone, and my heart broke in a million pieces. In the days and weeks that followed, there were tears in my eyes every waking moment, interrupted by a disturbed, anxious night. From swollen eyes to difficulty breathing, I felt it all. I heard it was suicide and it broke my heart to know someone who’s outlook on life I admired, had given up. If the one who defined life for me was no longer there, then what am I doing with my life? I browsed the internet everyday but nor the news, dedications and interviews eased the pain of knowing you weren’t with us.

I grew up watching Bollywood movies, and it eventually became a notable aspect of my childhood. To see the illusion of a happy family like atmosphere of the industry break was heart wrenching. I now know the people behind the characters and the reality behind the camera. More than anything, before you left, when you talked about your introverted nature, fake friends and loneliness, I saw something I had only seen in myself before.

In the following days, I heard of many fans taking their lives. I’d be lying if the thought didn’t cross my head. It wasn’t just the irreplaceable loss or the thought that “If you can, so can I”, it was the things dealt with. People would look at as broken, convinced of underlying depression or suicidal thoughts. I’ve faced great loss and problems, but I never thought I would be so affected by someone I never met. It was always the things that you said that reminded me of what’s important in life. The things you said were the things I felt. The things I had heard about you were the things I’ve heard about myself. Just like you said, everybody is in a hurry to decode you in a certain way, and then expect you to adhere to their definition. I don’t know who I am, and a part of me is lost with you.

Today, as I see the dreams you set out to accomplish, I promise to embrace my own. I formed my own Dream List when you made yours but never believed my dreams were worth it. I now find myself doing everything I can to embrace your memory. The things I always put aside as “ek din” have became my today. If I can’t become the best version of myself, I can at least try to not get lost in the crowd.

Jis mehfil ne thukraya humko
Kyun us mehfil ko yaad kare
Aage lamhe bula rahe hai
Aao unke saath chale…

I never believed you could take your own life. I always believed you were going to be the most successful of the industry- not for doing the highest grossing films or by gaining significant wealth and fame- but for being the one who recognized real happiness and acted on it. You were too good for this world, but this world would have been so much better with you in it. I only wish we realized how much you mean, while you were here, with us to witness how much we love you 💔
Ik vaari aa…. Just come back!

-From your heartbroken fan
When I look to the stars, I see you. Just as the stars light up the night sky, your smile’s memory will continue to light up my life.

To all the other SSR fans who are fighting for justice for our star, don’t give up. All we are asking for is a fair, unbiased investigation into his death. Before an actor, celebrity or idol to his millions of fans, Sushant Singh Rajput was a friend, a son to a father and a brother to four sisters. By standing together as human beings, for justice for the one, we must prove that there is good in humanity, just as Sushant always believed. Humanity is above all- any other division is done for selfish gains.

With Love

Your Fan
#JusticeForSushantSinghRajput

🪐 💫 ⭐️ 🌟 ✨ ⚡️ ☄️ 💥🦋🌈❤️🕉